Just when we thought America’s spiral descent into a tech-driven corporate surveillance dystopia couldn’t get any more gallows-hilarious, 2023 proves our mistake. I came to prove it. Even setting aside the explosion of artificial intelligence into every internet aisle, when surveying the technological failures of the past year, it’s still remarkable how many incredibly stupid battles were lost. Masu.
On the social media front, we got a glimpse of a new kind of tech-focused Sinophobia from lawmakers during hearings on TikTok. We also witnessed billionaires getting into online bashing matches so pathetic that forum firefights in the early 90s looked like United Nations debates. But beyond the surface talk and reckless dissemination of his AI company, more pressing issues have materialized that deserve attention.
The Department of Homeland Security is once again dipping into the surveillance cookie jar, even though it has more pressing things to do, like preventing a massive neo-Nazi cyberattack. Meanwhile, Silicon Valley’s right-wing technocrat Medici, Peter Thiel, appears to have had a major influence on one of Silicon Valley’s worst bank runs. The Pentagon then requested a new series of nuclear bombs, more powerful than anything seen before. And that’s not even mentioning Google’s monumental case in the Supreme Court.
Depending on what coping mechanisms you have and how deeply involved you are in technology, 2023 will be the year of technology, and your stress response will likely become overwhelmed and you’ll feel numb to the whole ordeal. You may have become apathetic, or you may have radicalized your beliefs in some way. . And what if you didn’t experience either? Then, here’s a list of the worst garbage fire moments in the tech industry that made our brains feel like they short-circuited this year.
OpenAI CEO Samuel Altman appears before the Senate Judiciary Subcommittee on Privacy, Technology, and the Law on May 16, 2023 in Washington, DC. (Win McNamee/Getty Images)image_placeholder
Let’s put this aside for now. Because not only will the AI explosion of 2023 turn out to be the most dominant brain rot among tech news topics, but its towering philosophical stupidity will ultimately eclipse other very It obscured many of the technology’s most pressing failures. It deserves to be thrown into the literary sky and killed like a clay pigeon with a double barrel.
While some members fumbled with the topic like new students fiddling with their bra hooks in the backseat, others seemed genuinely interested and informed. Leaders appear to be carefully crafting AI use regulations based on informed testimony from academics, activists, and industry. So the stage was set for Open AI CEO Sam Altman’s Congressional charm offensive this year. It was a hit.
That’s fine, but it didn’t seem like much had changed. Bills to protect personal data and copyrights appear to be going nowhere, a series of proposed regulations have died, and President Joe Biden’s executive order on AI has no real effect (yet). It seems so. Meanwhile, some sites are offering “bounties” to people who collect AI-generated deepfake porn of women they know. And none of these big tech companies seem to care that these deepfakes are of young girls. At least not enough to trample this garbage with the same obstinacy that they trample over user-submitted links to pirated Disney movies.
When I say that I believe many people in the tech industry have become radicalized this year, I don’t mean that in a derogatory or partisan way. If we have any conscience left, this kind of thing should certainly radicalize us towards sound material behavior. And, with any luck, it will be effective enough to create new solidarity among ideologically diverse groups who are equally tired of children being sexually targeted and exploited in this way. may be demonstrated. I’m looking forward to it here.
This distributed image provided by the European Space Agency (ESA) and NASA shows Space Shuttle Endeavour, docked with the International Space Station, orbiting Earth during Endeavor’s final sortie into space on May 23, 2011. Masu. (Paolo Nespoli – ESA/NASA, via Getty Images)
If you want to know what the opposite of “planned obsolescence” looks like in technology, for the past 20 years all you have to do is look up at the sky and watch the International Space Station pass overhead.
A symbol of hope for international academic collaboration and NASA’s long-held bet on a future where the pursuit of science is aimed at knowledge and the benefit of the entire species rather than military advantage: destroy and monitor the ISS That is the decision (at least). The crash into the ocean was a psychological uppercut with the same relative force and momentum as watching Old Yeller get shot.
NASA, we didn’t need that L this year. Why couldn’t they just say they were sending the ISS to live on a farm upstate? Or at least the nightmare where space exploration is left solely to private corporations who suck up publicly funded scientific research like vampires? Could you please step on the brakes in pursuing a brighter future?
If not, don’t worry. I thought I’d ask because sometimes I don’t know if you still love us and I’m tired of seeing you outsource our relationship to a third party like Elon. . I know you’re busy and you could use some help, but it feels incredible for him to say, “Of course, I still love you.”
I’m probably not the first person to describe the wet baguette twins Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk as Faulknerian stupid kids, but if that old chestnut still has a lot of ideas for anyone If anyone is worth using, it’s definitely the lucky sons of Silicon Valley.
I would normally find it immeasurably adorable if a seemingly faceless nerd sweated all summer building a special “no girls allowed” backyard. A fort for him and his silly but big friends, where they could have tickle fights and drink dandelion wine while lying on their backs on the still-warm grass at dusk. In the midst of so much human suffering, basking in the strange wonders of nature’s reckless splendor, filling the innocent expanses of childhood’s final hours with crackling laughter late into the night, I was moved to tears by the simple and heartbreaking beauty of two young people living in the neighborhood. A night of secret love and fart jokes, and finally, in a gentle whisper under the blink of a comet, we promised each other that no matter what happens, we’ll always be friends. eternally? Yes, dear reader, always and forever.
And if there’s one person whose genitals should never be seen, it’s two grown men on vacation doing their best to avoid the sun. It wouldn’t be accurate to describe them as white dudes, it would be more accurate to say they look like a fresh couple. Learned to walk upright and hired a lobbyist to make Vietnamese spring rolls stuffed with shrimp.
They probably didn’t actually end up fighting each other, but they deserve a fair place on this list.
The most troubling part of the revelation that the Department of Homeland Security was running a “shady” surveillance program unchecked is that it seems like they’re probably a little busy with other pressing priorities to deal with. Thing. Shouldn’t DHS have been focused on ensuring U.S. infrastructure is protected from the rise in neo-Nazi cyberattacks that they are so “concerned about”?
Or how about they help other agencies investigate the Fed hack that happened this year with a very strange twist of pornography? At the very least, the Securities and Exchange Commission could probably get some help in its exhausting marathon game of whack-a-mole against crypto launderers. Perhaps DHS could also meet with Lindsay Lohan and other high-profile celebrities who have been accused of sophisticated cryptocurrency fiddling?
If that’s not fun, maybe the Pentagon should focus more on making sure the Pentagon’s nuclear storage and surrounding areas aren’t filled with hacker-friendly holes. After all, if the Pentagon is going to continue pursuing an all-new nuclear weapon, the most powerful it’s ever seen, someone should make sure third-party contractors don’t accidentally leave the digital barn door open. I think. .
The hardest thing to watch in the world of technology is not the eye-catching moments when big companies legally escape Lex Luthor’s antics, but when we see ethical titans fall from grace.
It was painful to see Mr. Biden’s Federal Communications Commission nominee, Gigi Thorne, vilified in a homophobic campaign by right-wing groups. It was even harder to watch as most Democrats left her campaign punches unreturned, leaving her almost alone under attack.
“As a lifelong advocate for affordable and accessible broadband for all Americans, I am disappointed that the 2-2 FCC continues to ignore the most critical broadband opportunity of our lifetime,” Thorne said in a statement. It’s ironic,” he said in a statement. “This means that without competition, broadband prices will be higher.”
“It is a sad day for our country and our democracy that a dominant industry, with the support of unlimited black money, has chosen its regulators. cable and media companies have done just that.”
It was a really sad day. They smeared Gigi, and I hope I can be there to laugh when there is finally a turnaround for those responsible. We hope that FTC Chair Lina Khan continues to do her best and that this is not the last we see of Mr. Thorne.
What could be more hilarious and enriching than Microsoft complaining to the US Supreme Court about Google’s monopoly? If you pitch it as fiction, they’ll say you’re too on the nose.
The Department of Justice and 38 US state attorneys general say Google illegally paid billions of dollars to Apple to be the default search engine in Apple’s Safari browser and used monopolistic business practices to dominate the search engine market. He accused her of cornering him. That seems a little premature, but it’s a pretty tame setup for a joke. But the punchline is that even though the entire hearing revolved around the possibility of an illegal pay-for-play agreement between Google and Apple, Microsoft openly said in court that if Apple chose, He said he was prepared to spend $15 billion a year. Use Bing as the default search engine for your products instead of Google.
The early 1990s saw Microsoft become a literal monopoly and fight a losing battle in 1998 when it was sued by the federal government for using its 70% market share to further establish itself. Microsoft’s hesitant pleas fell on deaf ears among the public. This in itself is anti-competitive behavior. Google’s antitrust lawsuit is the largest since then.
“Everyone talks about the open web, but the reality is there’s Google Web,” Microsoft’s CEO said in court.
Decades after its conspiratorial attacks on Apple while threatening to destroy Google, which once dominated the desktop world, it’s hard to imagine a more delicious scene than Microsoft falling on its knees and begging Apple for help. . It’s certainly difficult, but not impossible. Just ask any avid Linux user.
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